Transcript for SmartEmpath™ PodCast Episode 02

Married to a Narcissist: Maya Wakes Up to Jake's Deception - An Empath's Nightmare

LISTEN HERE: www.smartempath.com/episode02

Welcome back, my Friends to another episode of the SmartEmpath™ Podcast. I'm Michael Haggstrom, Doctor in Counselling, here to guide you on another exploration into the beautiful living of being an empath.

You know, today we're going to talk about something that holds a very special place in every empath’s heart. And that's Relationships.

So, let me bring you into the world of Maya. Maya is a vibrant empath with a heart full of warmth. And she's out dating. And on a first date, she's sitting across from Jack. 

And she feels an undeniable connection. The conversation flows. Laughter bubbles up between them spontaneously; and nothing feels forced. Even their eyes sparkle as if sharing a common language. 

And soon they are inseparable. And the decision to move in together feels quite natural. Together, they are about to embark on a journey of creating shared dreams full of “I love yous”.

But as they unpack their last box, the first sign of trouble appears. Jack, once attentive, starts to become dismissive. His charismatic charm is suddenly no longer a burning fire. Instead, it's like a candle flickering, as if ready to go out, revealing moments of cold indifference. 

And as time goes on, Maya finds herself walking on eggshells within an atmosphere that is becoming heavier and heavier with an unspoken tension. A casual remark about some forgotten chore ends up spiralling into heated arguments where Jack turns the tables on her, his words sharp.“You're too sensitive.” - “Can't you see I'm stressed?” 

Maya, you know, she starts retreating into this internalized blame, wondering, “Is this all my fault?” - “You know, I must be overreacting.” 

Maya had wanted to create a sanctuary within their home, but instead it becomes a battleground of emotions. And Maya is feeling drained. She's been absorbing into her mind and her body. All the tension of this relationship, blaming herself, confused and constantly anxious. 

She was unaware that her empathic nature prevented her from looking at things with bold honesty because she kept on giving Jack the benefit of the doubt. She kept believing the words of love, but continually ignoring his dismissive behaviour. Behaviours that revealed the truth. 

The gaslighting, the blame-shifting, the codependency and even “trauma bonding”. You see, Jack embodied narcissism. Jack had duped her right from the beginning, and Jack knew that he had to move fast because he really couldn't keep up the charade for long. 

But now, a few years in, Maya felt trapped. They lived under the same roof. Everyone believed that they were the super couple. I mean, the ones most in love. And even Maya's parents had fallen for Jack's clever deceptions. Maya had begun taking anti-anxiety medication when she'd never needed them before her relationship with Jack. 

But then something changed. One evening, alone at home, Maya was on her phone, and she stumbled upon a guide about the signs of narcissism. And she went through the signs and checked off all that she related to. 

Now, she did not like her results. So, she went back over the list, trying to convince yourself that this was not true. And she was stunned. The majority of the signs could be seen in her relationship with Jack. She now saw the shadows clearly. Her denial was lifted even as she crumbled into tears. 

Her journey out of this abusive relationship was not easy, but... she did find her way. And, you know, if you've ever been in a narcissistic relationship, whether it be as a child to a narcissistic parent or experienced narcissistic bullying in school, or in the workplace or if you've ever dated or been partnered up with a narcissist, then I want you to do this…

I want you to grab... I have a free guide of:

15 SIGNS: “Am I in a Narcissistic Relationship?”

You really need to grab this at www.smartempath.com/truth

That’s: www.smartempath.com/truth

And if you can't get it right now, you know what? Don't worry, you can get it later on. But the link is in the bio, okay.

So, now I'm glad to say though, that Maya was able to liberate herself from the abuse she experienced from Jack. She learned how to set boundaries, how to stand up for herself, how to be assertive and unapologetic with her truth. 

She knew how to catch the subtle signs of “blame-shifting” and even“fake vulnerable narcissism” where she no longer gave away her empathy to people who did not have her, really, her best interests at heart. 

Now, this story is one that I've heard far too often by empathic people with big hearts who want to believe in love and fall in love and trust the words spoken to them. Because, after all, shouldn't we be able to do that, right? 

Now, I want to backtrack to something, because within Maya's journey, she initially faced this dilemma “Do I coach Jack into understanding in listening to my needs within the relationship? Or, do I face the pain of leaving and seek someone more attuned to my empathic nature?” 

Now, Maya, like many empaths they crave depth in their relationships. Maya longed for conversations that went beneath the surface, conversations that could explore the great variety of her thoughts and emotions. 

You see, empaths often experience something that could be compared to a whole universe within their soul. And if you're nodding as you listen, then guess what? You're probably an emotional empath. 

And like Maya, you may also need physical warmth. You know... that touch that communicates love and nourishment, a closeness that is reassuring, that affirms this unspoken bond between you and the other person. 

You see, emotional empaths like Maya thrive on genuine connection, on shared vulnerability and openness, where together with another person, you create this space where both of you can lay bare your true selves without fear of judgment. 

And once she met Jack, he knew just the right answers... just the right questions I should say, to ask and to open her up. And Maya thought this meant he was genuinely interested in her when in reality he was on a fact-finding mission. 

And each time she opened up, he employed the narcissistic skill of “mirroring”. He would spontaneously invent lies and tell her one story after another that she believed. Lies that were disguised as truth... as experiences that he shared with her, making her feel that they were soulmates. 

And, you know, he even saw how she languaged things and mirrored right back those same words. This is what I call “Showtime”. That when a narcissist sets their sights on you, they go into into a type of theater mode, to put on a show, just to see how much they can seduce you, to make you theirs for however long it makes sense to them. It's a form of, hear this“possessive of love”. 

And then when they are ignoring you in the discarding phase of the relationship where they're kind of bored with having to keep up their showtime appearances of “love bombing”, you're suddenly confused. 

Just like Maya, where conflicts arise and amidst the tension, you kind of question yourself. “Am I just needy?” - “Are my expectations too high?”“Well, maybe relationships just change.” The self-doubt creeps in. It kind of gnaws at your confidence and can even make you question whether or not your needs have any measure of validity. 

But you know what? Deep down, every empath knows that they are right. That your desires, they're not signs of weaknesses or neediness, that they are integral to your well-being, to the way that you need to experience friendship, love and connection. 

And so for Maya, she had to do a good inventory of herself, and she had to understand that this wasn't about changing Jack or anyone else in her life, for that matter. But it was about recognizing and honouring her own needs. 

And, you know, there's so much online regarding toxic or narcissistic relationships that focus primarily on the narcissist. But what you're going to find here at www.smartempath.com is that my focus in on you, the empathic person who wants to find balance between giving and receiving. About standing in your truth and celebrate your empathic nature where you no longer compromise it for anyone or anything. 

Perhaps as you're listening to this, you're kind of thinking of that one relationship that's been problematic for you. It could be in the past, or could be playing out right now in your present. It might be with a parent, a sibling, maybe a friend, work colleague, maybe even a partner. 

And if what I've shared about the needs of the emotional empath make sense, then know you're not alone. Let's pause for a moment and really feel into this empathic dilemma for our relationships. It's this tension, this tight rope that we walk between on one hand needing to feel deeply connected and then the other hand sometimes feeling deeply hurt or disconnected from the ones we love. And not knowing quite what to do with all that. 

You see the ability to feel so intensely. It really is both our superpower, but also kind of our Achille’s heel. We dive into relationships with our whole hearts, right? Ready to understand, to nurture, to love and to be love. But this openness, this vulnerability, can also lead us into pain where we feel other people's joys, but also their disappointments, their anger, maybe their resentments, sometimes even taking them on as our own. 

You see, we need to love deeply, but, you know... then we can also open ourselves up to even deception and that is, if we aren't skilled at detecting that deception. We live with this paradox, the beauty and need of deep connection, but also the pain and disappointment when it doesn't quite work out as we expected. 

Now, as a deeply feeling person, your depth, your warmth, your ability to tune into other people's emotions, well, it's something truly extraordinary. 

You bring a level of understanding and compassion that's rare, giving your relationships the potential of being truly rich and deeply meaningful. But as you might know, this depth of feeling comes with its challenges. 

Sometimes your big caring heart can lead you into patterns of codependency, right? Where you end up prioritizing other people's needs over your own, or feeling like your happiness is tied to someone else's. 

Well, I'm here to help you learn how to care deeply while also standing up for your own needs. And this is going to include for you “self-love”. Every relationship has its dance its give and take. It's about finding that rhythm where you can be your authentic self, where your feelings are honoured and your boundaries are equally respected with those in your life. 

And this now brings us to a crucial point - Empaths with their open hearts and nurturing spirits are often magnets though for narcissistic people. It's like your light attracts their shadows and it becomes a terrifying, whirlwind dance of manipulation. Where in this dance you are always kept off balance. That's why it’s so important to be informed and to protect your beautiful nature. 

And so you know what? Before you end your day, I really want you to grab my free guide:

15 SIGNS: “Am I in a Narcissistic Relationship?”

www.smartempath.com/truth

This is going to help you navigate the dance you do in all of your relationships. This is going to help you learn how to trust your intuition and to know the signs of understanding this kind of relationship dynamic and how it can affect you. 

You see, it's all a step towards safeguarding your loving heart and spirit. So I invite you to grab this guide and empower yourself with knowledge. And let's continue to celebrate the beauty of empathic living while also equipping ourselves with the tools that we need to thrive in all of our relationships.

And know this:

The depth that you have, your warmth, it's all a gift. Let's cherish it and protect it. And for all of those in your life who are good people, where you experience already this depth of connection, you most need. You know what, spend some time appreciating them. Tell them how much they really mean to you. Because when we have the right people in our life, you know what? Where we're seen for who we are celebrated with acceptance and understanding. 

We get to solve this problem of loneliness that so many people, too many people feel today. So thank you for listening and for joining me on this journey. 

Remember, you're not in this alone. And together we're going to explore so much more as we continue to grow and thrive together. 

And make sure to check out the next episode as we're going to explore how Maya healed and was able to champion herself as she not only learned how to overcome Jack’s narcissistic abuse, but especially she learned how to embrace the depth of her emotions and intuition as the vibrant empath she was born to be. 

Well, until next time. I'm Dr. Michael Haggstrom. I look forward to walking this empathic journey with you. May love and peace be in your world today.

Transcript for SmartEmpath™ PodCast Episode 02

Married to a Narcissist: Maya Wakes Up to Jake's Deception - An Empath's Nightmare

LISTEN HERE: www.smartempath.com/episode02