The Silent Struggle:

Why Elise Stopped Speaking Up at Meetings

Elise, an empathic, highly-skilled project manager, walks into her Monday morning meeting. She's prepared, organized, and ready to help her team crush their goals for the week.

But as she settles into her seat...

In comes Steve, her colleague who has a knack for taking credit for other people's work and making snide comments that he disguises as jokes.

Within minutes, Steve starts belittling Elise's suggestions in front of the team. "Are you sure that's the best we can do?" he chides, rolling his eyes.

Elise asserts herself, but it backfires and instead makes her look petty.

When Manipulation is Ongoing

Despite her competence and preparation, Elise begins to doubt herself. For the rest of the meeting, she remains quiet, even retracting some of her initial ideas. This was not the first time Steve had done this to her. It had been going on for months.

As she leaves the conference room...

Elise's stomach is in knots and she can’t help but second-guess her value to the rest of the team.

What Elise is experiencing isn't just workplace competition - it's outright narcissistic abuse. And know this - she's not alone.

You see, for Elise, drawing lines at work is not just about professional growth, it's about being able to work in a safe environment that supports each person equally in their careers - without it taking an unnecessary toll on their mental health.

Then the Kicker

Six months later, even though Elise was clearly in line for a well-earned promotion, it surprisingly went to Steve.

You see, behind the scenes Steve had been strategically shaping perceptions with his colleagues and upper management.

Plus, his undermining tactics in meetings were a calculated move to openly belittle Elise and diminish her standing in the eyes of their peers.

• She wondered... do I need to play this game too?

Right after his promotion

Steve bumped into Elise and smirked, "So, no congrats for me?" In that brief exchange, she caught the smug look in his eyes. He was genuinely proud of having one-upped her.

Seeing this, she wondered: To get ahead, do I need to play this game too? How can I handle this without losing my own heart and soul?

It's good to be reliable and helpful, right?

Elise now felt the pressure to up her game and the only way she knew how to do it was to out-perform. So, she began working longer hours and taking on more projects.

Of course, this is what she'd been taught - if you're diligent and hard-working, you will be rewarded. She accepted every ask that came her way, even from Steve.

But there's a dark side to always being a "Yes-Person”.

You're also setting yourself up for exploitation, especially by those with narcissistic tendencies.

To colleagues high in narcissism - your empathy, kindness and reliability are vulnerabilities they will seek to exploit.

So, unknowingly Elise was actually empowering Steve all the more to exert his narcissistic influence over her. He was able to exploit her insecurities and make her take on extra projects, so that his own work-load got a whole lot lighter.

As a result, Elise stopped having the backbone she once had. She'd painted herself into a corner and was no longer seen as having management potential.

KNOW THIS:

You're inviting disrespect and sending a message that you’re willing to compromise your boundaries, when you do any of these:

• continually saying yes to unreasonable demands
• letting someone else take credit for your work
• becoming a "yes-person" to prove your worth

REMEMBER:

Narcissistic individuals will push those boundaries every chance they get.

Being constantly available and accommodating isn't just a road to burnout - it's an invitation for narcissistic individuals to take advantage of you.

The Challenge of Setting Boundaries: When Conditioning Keeps You Trapped

Setting boundaries isn't just good for you - it's a necessity, especially in environments where narcissistic abuse is common.

Empathic individuals, with their heightened emotional intelligence, can be particularly susceptible to the manipulative tactics of narcissistic colleagues.

For those who have been conditioned — sometimes over years — where you’ve been made to accommodate others at the cost of your own well-being, setting boundaries can feel like an impossible task.

It's Not Your Fault, And You Can Take Back Control

First off, know that you're not to blame for someone else's bad behaviour.

The confusion you're feeling is a direct consequence of the control tactics commonly used by narcissistic individuals.

They excel at distorting reality and keeping you off balance.

However, being a victim to narcissistic abuse that has conditioned you into submission doesn't mean you're doomed to stay that way.

You can break free, but it will take awareness, effort, and the right resources.

Like Elise, so many victims deny that it was ever abuse. Instead :

• they remain stuck in a cycle of self-blame
• they become small in the work place
• they miss out on future opportunities

So what’s the first step?

The first step is to see abuse for what it is - to name it as abuse and that it's an over-reach of power. That it is wrong.

When we do this, we can then begin separating ourselves from it and find ways to triumph over it.